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Thursday, March 31, 2011

High School Life - The Story of a Girl Getting Bullied

Disclaimer: This is a personal experience.  Characters are not exposed by their real names.  No offense to people getting hit by this story. J

Have you experienced being BULLIED?
I have experienced being bullied when I was in high school.  Not physically but emotionally.

How about in work? Yes I have also experienced it but it will be another story.


1.  Physical bullying (hitting, kicking, taking things or returning things damaged)

2.  Verbal bullying (name-calling, taunting, insulting)

3.  Emotional bullying (shunning, spreading nasty gossip)

4.  Sexual bullying (unwanted physical contact or sexually abusive or
inappropriate comments)

5.  Racist bullying (racial slurs, offensive gestures, or making jokes about
a child's cultural traditions)

6.  Cyber bullying (spreading hurtful images and/or messages via email, chat rooms, etc.)

Emotional bullying was what I have experienced then.

I, AS A STUDENT

I was just an ordinary student.  I didn't excel much in every subject.  Some of my grades are low and some are high; not that really high but I get a passing mark.  I was a lazy student because I never study that much.  I just don’t pressure myself in studying.  I was more like a happy-go-lucky student.  If I pass the exam, then good; if I didn't then its fine but of course I'll soon suffer the consequences of this lousy deed. My weakest subjects were Math and Science.  I was also a late comer.  The problems that I have caused to some teachers were getting low grades on major subjects and being a late comer. J Hey, I am not dumb.  I am just lazy.  Hahaha!


BACKGROUND ABOUT MY FAMILY

I don’t belong from a rich family.  My parents did not earn professional degrees.  Both of them are just high school graduates.  I'm proud even if my mother is just a plain and dedicated housewife. My father was a typist, which was what he does for a living when we were young.  We are still struggling until now and we have our little store.  My uncle offered to finance my studies during high school.

RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CLASSMATES

The Good Classmates/Schoolmates – Until now, these classmates/schoolmates became my GOOD FRIENDS.  These are the people who accepted me for who I am – being crazy, being hilarious, being not the good student in class, being stupid most of the times and so much more.  I know that I don’t have all the qualities of a best student but I assure them that I am a good friend.


The Bad Classmates/Schoolmates – I’ll generalize them as bad because they are not good to me. LOL

Well, I say some were really MEAN TO ME.  I’ve experienced being bullied by some of them through GOSSIPS or talking about me behind my back.
I really don’t know much of the reasons why I was a favorite topic of their conversation and always the subject of their past time.   I know they made fun of me.  Some even hated me that they love to degrade me.  It is still unknown WHY THEY HATE ME and WHAT ARE THE THINGS THEY HATE SO MUCH ABOUT ME. I can only imagine how much time they have wasted just to keep in track of my every wrong move.

These are the things I have remembered about me being BULLIED:


FYI, I haven’t done anything bad to these people.
  • I have this friend, Mutya, we were so close.  I had other classmates and I never thought they could be so mean to me so I named these bullies Takla and Tekla. These bullies made friends with Mutya.  On the next day, I was shocked that Mutya was avoiding me and hated me.  Takla and Tekla were also doing it.  I knew for myself I haven’t done anything so I just ignored them.
  • I was watering the plants that morning when suddenly I heard Takla talking to a group of older schoolmates.  She had a loud voice that she really wanted me to hear it.  Yes, they were talking about me.
  • Mutya was bullied by Takla after Mutya made friends with me again.  One day, Mutya told me that she was confronted by Takla yesterday afternoon. I asked helped from Mr. Teacher because I didn’t like it to get worst.  Mr. Teacher knew I’m no trouble maker.
  • After what happened at Mr. Teacher’s office, I thought the bullying would stop.  Takla had influenced other classmates to dislike me.  They were growing in numbers.
  • I was late on the first class and I found out they were making a group for a certain activity.  I approached the group of boys to be with them but they didn't let me because they were all boys.  I approached the other group where some friends were there and also Takla but she acted like the authority and told them not letting me to join their group.  DISCRIMINATION!
  • My other friends telling me that Takla really disliked me.  She even told them bad things about me.  I was really curious but my friends haven’t told me those nasty things so that I won’t get hurt.
  • On 4th year, it was a relief because we ended up not to be classmates. Whew! Hahaha!
  • Biday was a classmate since elementary.  We were good friends but during grade 4, she started to dislike me until high school.  Takla and Biday really connived.
  • I was shocked when Biday told my other classmates about the criticism she found on my younger brother’s mouth.
  • Kiray even criticized my thick lips. My parents were hurt about it because I am their child and they have it too.
  • Bullies criticized me being UGLY AS A WHOLE as if I don’t have the chance to be beautiful.
  • Bullies were UNDERESTIMATING ME as if I don’t have the future and the talent.
  • The love of imported chocolates – Agua gave me imported chocolate bars brought by his father who came from abroad.  I was glad she gave me and I told her how I love other imported chocolates.  I was telling her that I have a cousin who is half-Norwegian.  She ate the whole BAR NUTS and ended up throwing it from her mouth.  I was shocked with the rumor scattered that if I eat local chocolates, my tongue gets itchy.
  • We had a conversation with a classmate just for fun and I asked, “Are you DEAF?” with the correct pronunciation of the word.  She stopped me and corrected me the wrong pronunciation which sounded as the word LEAF.  This argument was brought up on the next day and this classmate spread this to our other classmates on how I made a mistake of the pronunciation.  Most of them agreed that DEAF sounded as LEAF but I appealed that DEAF sounded as DEAD.  The only thing that I had was the dictionary but still they didn't believe me.  It was a blessing in disguise when Miss Teacher discussed about “DEAF-MUTE” with the correct pronunciation same as mine.  The argument ended that time by staring at them and they were speechless.  These classmates or bullies tried to embarrass me but they weren't successful. LOL
  • A classmate told me that Biday underestimated my course to take on college which is Information Technology.
  • Agua told me that Takla realized that my friend Agua is a nice person but Takla didn’t like her because she’s friends with me.  They could be good friends if Agua has not been friends with me.
  • Agua confessed to me that this classmate/schoolmate of ours told her not to be friends with me because I might be a bad influence to Agua.
  • Even with their so-called “reunion” after high school which all of us were in college, another friend, Mara told me that I am still a favorite topic by their GOSSIPS to some bullies/classmates/schoolmates.  The reason I haven’t attended with the past reunions is because I was so busy with my job while studying.  Yes, I’ve been a working student and my other classmates were busy talking behind my back.
  • I made enemies even after high school (FYI, I didn't start the fight.  I only fight back when someone attacks me. ) – Malandi was a year ahead of me, no one knows she was a friend of mine, or should I say they were shocked when they knew we became friends even after high school.  Our friendship ruined when she accused me of being kleptomaniac when in fact it’s not true.  Actually it was really her fault.  I really don’t want get into details because it was a long story.  It ended up her being shameful.
  • Markova was a friend then.  We even had communication after high school.  We got along together when we found things we have in common like being a working student in the company we used to work with but we were not workmates.  We landed on a good paying job even though we haven’t finished our bachelor degree.  I don’t know what happened but I seemed like a stranger to him after.  He was angry to me about personal things.  He was much updated with my Facebook status and he even called me narcissistic. I honestly and actually didn't know what it was meant so I hurriedly Googled it. 

I BEING NARCISSISTIC?

There are lots of classifications in Narcissism.  I’m not a Narcissistic person but I’ll consider myself doing healthy Narcissism. I love myself, what I am doing, sharing my good experience to anyone, being optimistic, enjoying what I have right now, working and earning for my family and being great to little things.  Some people may find me boastful.  I beg to disagree. I am not boastful because all the things I’ve said are true.  I’m not even lying.  I am just proud with my little achievement and happy with it.  


Is it bad to shout out to the whole world or whole Facebook that I am happy? Every status I posted on Facebook, I was just talking about myself. I only post a status against a person or to anyone in order to fight back. I shout out my feelings about how some things are so uncertain to me.  It’s funny that there are some people were reading my Facebook status and ended up hating me because I FEEL GOOD WITH MY STATUS.  


Hey, I never hurt anyone. Telling others about your achievement is one way of telling them that "Hey, if this bullied weakling right here can do it, you can do it too." It's more like encouraging people rather than wagging my own tail. I'd rather be outspoken and proud about my little achievements rather than keeping my success to myself. It's one way for any normal person (unless those haters are nuts) to tap her shoulder and give herself a sense of accomplishment to boost her confidence. 



HEALTHY NARCISSISM BY WIKIPEDIA

Healthy narcissism is a structural truthfulness of the self, achievement of self and object constancy, synchronization between the self and the superego and a balance between libidinal and aggressive drives (the ability to receive gratification from others and the drive for impulse expression). Healthy narcissism forms a constant, realistic self-interest and mature goals and principles and an ability to form deep object relations.[8] A feature related to healthy narcissism is the feeling of greatness. This is often used to compensate for insecurity or inadequacy. [source]

BULLYING BY WIKIPEDIA

Further studies have shown that envy and resentment may be motives for bullying.[25] Research on the self-esteem of bullies has produced equivocal results.[26][27] While some bullies are arrogant and narcissistic,[28] others can use bullying as a tool to conceal shame or anxiety or to boost self esteem: by demeaning others, the abuser him/herself feels empowered. [source]

I’ve told you that I’ve never been a good student.  If all of us were ranked from highest to lowest, it is expected that I’ve got the lowest ranking.  These bullies belong to average or rich families.  I belong to the poor family and I have nothing to beat them.  I remained an ordinary student.  I was not even popular compared to them.  I am very silent during classes but very talkative during break times.  Yes, I am such a talkative person that I have lots of things to say.  Everything I say, they misinterpret it as me being boastful.  Or they just don’t give me the right to talk too much because I was not a brilliant student.
 
My parents knew all the things that happened to me during high school but they are confident that I can handle it well.  They never intervened or went to the teachers about me being bullied.  My parents were never called by teachers because of me getting low grades.  I was able to manage all the things I had even though I cried at home from the bullies and the low grades.  They even borrowed money to other people in order for me to have my own copy or photocopies of the books.  Yes, I was even thinking to quit my studies there and transfer to another school because of the bullying from other classmates.  My father just stopped me not to because I might lose the opportunity I had on that school.  He just told me that maybe these bullies were just envious of me, INSECURE, and had problems with their own selves or with their family.


As long as you don't hurt anyone along the way, you are free to do anything. You see, everything narrows down to happiness and if hating me is my hater's definition of happiness then that would be flattering. One thing's for sure-- hating me won't make you beautiful. We all have an itch somewhere in our body and hating me won't make you feel itch less and flawless in one way or another. 

Moral of the story:

  • Always tell your parents about your problem in school.  Open communication will help you to ease the pain. 
  • Ignore the bullies first
  • But fight back when needed.
  • Be confident with yourself even others are degrading you.
  • Bear in mind that the reasons people are bullying you is because there is something in you that they don’t have.  You are a threat to the bullies. LOL

Have you experienced being bullied? How did you handle the situation? Share your thoughts about this.

9 comments:

Maan said...

at last you posted it in here after some revisions. whooah.....it is actually a good thing that you are able to express such thoughts....Sometimes it is hard to keep it within yourself across time because it is not good for the health..........hahahahaha.

Jan Abayata said...

It's good to see your article finally published. It's entertaining, revealing and very informative. Bullying can be tough but it sharpens the soul, making you a stronger person. As for the suckers that made your life miserable, thank them. They've been following your every wrong move. Asa man sila karon? Keber. Take that, haters!

Rox said...

@maan: after i posted this last night, ni gaan jud akong feeling. pwerteng lamia sa akong tulog, nawala akong insomnia. ajajajaja

@jan abayata: yes i know naa koy matabangan nga mga younger generations nga ni suffer sama ani. hehehe. i hope wa nay mga bata mag suicide ke daghan jud baya nag suffer og ing.ani. :)

Maan said...

exactly the point rox!to express all your thoughts is the best asset you can acquire without it you will become damn numb and you will be sacrificing thinking about it over and over again....mao na suicide nalang resulta.!

Rox said...

@maana: yeah right... writing is my therapy mao manggawas atong pagka CREATIVE WRITER... hahaahha. i'm really happy with what i posted. pabuhagay jud... jejejeje

Nin said...

Naa man koy mga high school friends na gipang bully jud ug maayo... Basta mag post.2x silag luoy.2x sa ilang wall ako dayon ni i-link. WUAHAHAH!

Rox said...

@jan abayata: haha lol toinks jd ka.

Arlene "Tata" said...

cool ni ah! naka try man pud kog ingon ani pero dli raman ko mo tingog... after reading ur story i feel relieve ngee naa pud diay ko ka parehas. HAHAHA AJA! ROx.

Rox said...

haha! at last tata mag blog na gyud ka for real? hehehe. haha may man ka grabeh kaayo kag patience ta.